Oh, Jen, WOW, your writing — WOW. Your feelings. WOW.
This is certainly a place to bare your soul, Hon. You are among friends here.
At my worst (the mast cells were “eating my brain from the inside out”), I was depressed, couldn’t think or remember anything, couldn’t stay awake, and had suicide ideation. Thank heavens, I read about Organic Brain Disease, and got out of the mouth of that beast within two weeks, but having lived through it, I can SO relate to your feelings of losing your mind!
Now, I couldn’t have written HALF as well as you did (OK, I couldn’t have written a FRACTION as well as you did), but I remember promising myself that I needed to share with others what it felt like to have Alzheimer’s and mental illness, and yet get sucked back into “normalcy” again. I was there. I pulled out. But had I not learned about mast cells, inflammatory cytokines, etc., I don’t know if I would be here today to tell about it. Honestly.
I am so glad you shared this intimate suffering with us all. I think most of us can relate (although perhaps not so eloquently). Hang in, my friend. Let’s change out worlds, OK? My nose is to the grindstone over here!
Big, big hug, and tissues all around.