I wrote this as the first year milestone/tombstone approached…..
I was catapulted from health into a chronic illness reality of endemic medical misgiving, sickness scientism and suspicion. It dawned on me that this world of illness incredulity was to be my new home.
I watched those I loved being sucked into this cyclone of spinning uncertainty where there was no sanctuary. As the structure that I had always provided was obliterated, they drifted; carried by the tides of uncertainly, coaxed by the glow of a medical beacon, to be battered by the rocks. This constant ebb and flow of survival and demise brought anger, sorrow, absence, denial and tides of guilt.
(They have never seen this)
This anniversary evokes in me, memories of what used to be……
The magnitude of all we’ve lost, of all we’ve gained, what it has cost.
Hidden from the world, our untold sorrow, flattened dreams of each tomorrow
An unjust tragedy of modern day, unrivalled by any Shakespearian play.
There is no going back, no time reversal, we’re not on the stage and it’s not rehearsal
Guilt burdens your mind but it has no place, in the ‘here and now,’ you’re my saving grace
In the desperate night hours of restless regret, please know this and never forget….
It’s all that you are; all you do, the love that you show me that pulls me through
Amidst rubble left behind by this hurricane; my last soldiers standing,… you remain.