It seems a response I tried to post last night did not go through so I will try to do a brief recap. Lab-Scientist-Lady, while you and I have not had the exact same experiences, I shoulder that burden with you. I have been to the darkest places possible even before my body deteriorated. I know what it feels like to be so tired, so exhausted from simple survival. Moving from one moment to the next can feel like it is just too much to take. The mental, emotional, and physical toll can be overwhelming. My depression was that strong and my panic attacks were/are also that strong. For most people, panic attacks seem to not last very long whereas mine can remain at full intensity for several hours and then remain at a moderate level for days. There is no relief. There is physical pain, intense nausea and vomiting, my entire body clenches and shakes, my skin becomes overly sensitive to any stimuli resulting in more nausea and discomfort, and so much more. ‘Discomfort’ doesn’t even begin to describe it. Everything is so bad that speaking and thinking are not possible. And I remain in that place for several hours when even a few seconds of it is torture. I broke down in tears last year when I started having a string of attacks and even ended up going to the ER 3 separate times in a desperate search for help. The emotional pain was worse than what my body was going through. I was just so desperate and tired of feeling that way. The depression and the anxiety are just so hard to go through and it drains everything you have. I was so tired. So exhausted. So fed up with feeling such an intense level of suffering. It can be soul-crushing. It can take so much just to survive from one moment to the next. You just want it to end. You just want to not have to feel it anymore. The idea of going through even one more moment of it can be overwhelmingly painful. I might not be able to make it better for you but, for any moments when it might actually count for something, I understand. I truly, truly understand. *hugs*